Last week I wrote about romanticising your life, but in order to do that you have to have the capacity to acknowledge what’s right in front of you. You have to find gratitude.

Taking it back a little, I had always been the positive soul, always the happy child, always the friend you go to when you want a boost, but truthfully there was always a huge part of me that felt empty inside. That feeling like something was missing. My hypothetical cup was always half full for everyone else but half empty (nearing empty in fact) for myself. I spent years thinking that life would be better when I had this, or achieved that, and yet no matter what I achieved, or what I possessed I never reached that 5 star destination we commonly refer to as “happiness”.

Realistically, how can you when the goal post is always changing? There’s always new dreams to imagine, new things to acquire, always something else to work towards but it sets us up to be in this constant loop of …”it’s never enough.”

I was never ungrateful, quite the opposite but I just had no idea of what satisfaction meant, I was always chasing the next thing. I wonder if it was a fear that if I acknowledged the accomplishments, the goals being met, and I still felt empty it must mean there was something inherently wrong with me? Or a fear that if I stood still I would have to face the fact I didn’t know who I was, I had been performing my whole life pretending to be happy for everyone else, but I didn’t actually know what would make me happy, it was just something I’d never considered.

It wasn’t until I reached breaking point with my own mental health and checked myself into rehab that I started to understand the importance of gratitude. Sitting in a group session with everyone sharing their darkest moments has a funny way of making you understand the art of appreciating the most basic of human needs. Along with journaling, gratitude helped me understand myself, my deepest desires, what I truly value…it changed my life.

Gratitude is both a feeling and an emotion, and it’s a powerful tool we all have at our disposal to improve our wellbeing both mentally and physically. It has the potential to not only change the way you see events passed but also rewire your entire outlook on the future. It turns what we already have into enough…. and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, and confusion into clarity.

The way in which I practice is ritualistic, a dedicated moment I carve out for myself every day where I either write down or speak what I am grateful for, and why. The why is the important part, we can all run off a one word list of things we appreciate but being about to provide ourselves with the detail is where true gratitude lies, it asks you to look a little deeper into the understanding you have of yourself.

Contrary to most instructions out there I never set rules for myself as to the amount of things I list, nor about how philosophical it has to be… as that to me kind of defeats the purpose. It doesn’t matter if it’s one thing, or a list of ten things you express gratitude for, as long as you can truly identify with what you are acknowledging as a blessing in that moment. Gratitude has to be a genuine appreciation of the things/people/circumstances in your life that make you realise what you have, not what you lack, it truly is a love letter to the universe. It shouldn’t be something that is forced or governed by a set of rules, more a freedom to explore your perspective on the positive within your life.

Some, like me, prefer to practice in the morning, it starts my day on a much higher frequency, and I know afterwards my energy is calmer, more focused and I go about my day with more intention. But, it’s entirely personal preference, the important thing to consider is that the time you do set aside is a time where you can be mindful, present, and alone without distraction. Some prefer to scatter it throughout the day, taking bitesize moments to ensure they stay connected amidst a busy life, whilst some prefer to reflect at the end of the day to wind down.

There really is no limit as to where your gratitude can go…

It can be as simple and obvious as being grateful for the roof over your head, the food in the fridge or just the fact you are alive. 

It can get more profound and focus on gratitude for your treasured relationships, or for a specific moment in the day that made you smile/happy.

Then there is the deepest practice of gratitude, for the things and situations that have tested you and that may have otherwise fed into a negative head space, not only will the process of releasing negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones attract corresponding experiences and circumstances into your life, but by rewriting the narrative to find the positive within them – the lessons those particular moments taught you, or the ways your character was strengthened – you can start to see the only thing between you and a peaceful life is the way in which you respond to it.

When you start practicing real gratitude, (I say real gratitude because there’s a difference between forcing it because you think it’s the right thing to do and doing it because you genuinely believe you have things to show appreciation for) you’ll find it’s actually pretty hard to sit and thank the powers that be for the designer handbag, or the latest addition to your shoe collection, not that your not grateful for it, nor is there anything wrong with wanting/having those things but you find your views on what you value change. You are automatically drawn towards the things in life with depth, even if it’s having food in the fridge, you soon find it’s the nourishment that brings to you and your loved ones. It’s like a magical wand you wave over your life, over the things that have been there all the time, and suddenly you now see it with fresh eyes. 

As daft as this may sound some days I’m grateful for the practice of gratitude itself, because that feeling I described at the start of this post? Gone. That empty feeling I felt? Filled. I realised it’s not about achieving constant happiness, that in itself is an impossible narrative to maintain. So instead I chose acceptance. I chose gratitude. I choose to fill my own dam cup! 

So dive in and find something within every day to be grateful for, I guarantee your life will unfold before your eyes!